The OneShot Adventures of Bookdust
by cardwiz
Summary: Mr first fanfic. The most random pairing in WWE history, aka Booker T and Goldust, are reunited with some hillarious one shot adventures in the modern WWE.
1. Bookdust prepares for Umaga

Me: Hi! _Waves awkwardly_

Norm: Just get on with this stupid introduction.

Me: Shut it. _Turn's to reader_ Hey you, first off, thanks for bothering to click on my story; hopefully it will meet or exceed your expectations. But anyway, my name is coughs, but you can just call me cardwiz.

Norm: That's stupid.

Me: I said shut it. It's not my fault I haven't been able to come up with an original screen name in all my years of Interneting.

Norm: You just made that word up.

Me: And this jerk is all of my self-doubt and just the random thoughts in my head, but I just like to call him Norm. Watch, say something Norm.

Norm: Dolphins are delicious.

Me: Wait, I don't believe that, or do I?

Norm: Man I love screwing with your head.

Me: This waste of your time is brought to you by my pathetic attempt to be funny. Enjoy the one-shots, and please review. Oh, and I don't own WWE or any of their wrestlers.

* * *

_Bookdust prepares to face off against Umaga._

Goldust- Since you will be fighting the "Samoan Submi…. I mean Bulldozer" Umaga tonight for a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship, and to get prepared to face this savage beast, I think that you should get into the mind of this monster.

Booker- Yah, yah, I like the sound of this. Like some sort of psychology. I'm down with that. What have you got in mind?

Goldust- You see, first of all you must cover your face in the ceremonial war paint of Samoa to give you strength.

Booker- All right, sounds good so far.

Goldust- Then you must were the voodoo beads of the Samoan trial shaman to give you wisdom.

Booker- No problem.

Goldust- And finally, the coup de grace, the piece de résistance, the grand finally. The Samoan thong of courage.

Booker- All right… wait, aw hell naw! GET, GET the...HELL away from me you..you FREAK! storms out

Goldust- But it feels so breaths in _good_ against the _camera cuts off_

* * *

Me:…..

Norm…. What was that?

Me: It was my one shot.

Norm: What are you thinking! You have no idea what you're doing. Rather than trying to work and word sentence structures around, you just use baddly placed italics to show what's going on.

Me: Yay…oh well.

Norm: You have no shame, do you.

Me: I traded it in for gum. Anyway, please review this…whatever it is. And if some people like it, I'll do more.


	2. Bookdust meets Mr Kennedy

Me- Whoo Hoo! does happy dance

Norm- Dude, calm down. You got one review.

Me- But it was positive, and now my existence has meaning.

Norm- Hey, whatever floats your boat.

Me- stops Please Read and Review, or I will be forced to write negative things about you on message boards.

Norm- You go to message boards?

Me- No, No, of coarse not. I don't own WWE.

* * *

One week later

_We return from a commercial break to see Mr. Kennedy being interviewed by Maria._

Maria- So Mr. Kennedy, tonight you have a match with Booker T to see who is the better wrestler, but Booker is a 5 time WCW champion, aren't you nervous?

After stealing away the microphone from Maria's hands Kennedy gives the audience a suspense filled reply.

Kennedy- Well Maria, what you have apparently forgotten is that WCW is no more, who cares about that bunch of washed up has-beens, and just because he's got the only person on earth with more makeup on then you, doesn't mean I should fear him. Tonight will practically be a squash match.

???- Is that so…Sucka.

We hear the crowd pop as Booker T and Goldust come into frame behind the now slightly startled Mr. Kennedy.

Goldust- So this is Mister Kennedy.

Booker- Yah it is, and this sucka was right, tonight we are gonna have a squ

Goldust- **Ken-Ah-Day**

Booker- What the hell is wrong with you?! Whatever..., so Kennedy.

Goldust- **Ken-Ah-Day**

Booker- Look, don't ever do that again, it doesn't work for you. (turning back to Kennedy) Well all I'm trying to say is I'm gonna beat you down tonight.

But as Booker turns to walk off, Goldust steps in front of him.

Goldust- You know I think you're right, I should just stick with the classic….._Goldust_.

Booker- I sware this freak is gonna be the end of me.

Booker sidesteps Goldust to leave the interview area, but as Goldust prepares to leave…

Kennedy - HOLD ON GOLDUST! You're saying it wrong. It's MMISSSTTAAHHHHHHHHH KENENDAHHHHHH!!!!!!!...

...KENNEDAHHHH!!!!! Now you try it?

Goldust- KENNEDYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kennedy -NO! Wrong! Here, listen to me... it's KENN-

_cut to commercial_

* * *

Me- Hey, I don't have as much self-loathing after writing this one.

Norm- That's only because you're too tired, don't worry, the self-hate will come back like it always does.

Me- Too mean.


	3. Bookdust faces off with CM Punk

Me- Yo

Norm- What's with the laid back attitude? Last time you posted you were jumping up and down like a schoolgirl.

Me- Oh please, I'm no longer the immature person I was back then.

Norm- It was just a few months ago.

Me- Well I'm a college student now. I'm a changed man.

Norm- Then why are you typing this instead of doing homework?

Me- ….Shut up. Oh and I don't own WWE.

Norm- Whatever. _To Reader _Please Read and Review

* * *

**Bookdust meet CM Punk**

Booker- Oh please. Please tell me that kid CM Punk did not just challenge me to a match.

Goldust- Well, he didn't acutely target you, he just indirectly challenged he could have ment Finlay or Shawn Micheals or...

Booker- Ok ok I got it. Let me just say that I will accept the straight edge stars challenge.

Punk- Is that so? Let me tell you Booker, you may be the 5 time WCW champion, but you beat a bunch of old farts tainted by the evils of drugs and alcohol. You have never gone against anything like the Straight Edge Superstar.

Goldust- Wait, didn't you two face off once or twice?

Booker- Yah but Vince doesn't think the fans remember it so it got 3MR.

Goldust- 3MR?

Punk- 3 Month Rule'd, the unspoken agreement that whatever happened in some past feuds or matches never happened. Like when Cena was doing crotch chops with HHH after they tried to kill each other from before Wrestlemania to Backlash.

Goldust- Wow, it all makes since now. Thanks. But Mr. Punk can I ask you a more personal question? _He says as he rubs up against Punk_

CM Punk- 0o ...uh ok as long as you back off.

Goldust- Well you see, I get that you are straight edge and don't drink or do drugs but does it also mean that you can't...you know. If you're alone, you know...

Punk- What?

Goldust- Pleasure yourself?

Punk- What the.. why..you little!

* * *

Norm- Wow, are trying to make statements against WWE now?

Me- Well I wanted to make it a few lines longer so I just added a pointless rant that is kind of true.

Norm- You is pathetic.

Me- Yah I know, wait did you just say "You **is **pathetic."

Norm- Yes I did but that's what spellcheck says is right so it must be right. (Really)

Me- All Hail Spellcheck! Oh, and Read and Review


	4. Bookdust plays The Game

Me- Hey reader(s), how are things going.

Norm- What are you doing?

Me- Just chatting with the readers.

Norm- Uh, you…know you can't actually have a conversation with them, right?

Me- Then what are those voices that I'm hearing?

Norm- …..

Me- …..What?

Norm- I'm not going there.

Me- Anyways where was I…oh yeah, please Read and Review

Bookdust challenges with The Game

JR- Good evening and welcome back to Raw. In case your just tuning in, the WWE champion, The Game HHH has called out the #1 contender Booker T.

King- Whatever JR, wake me in 20 minutes when HHH is done ranting. Or when puppies come out, whatever comes first.

HHH- Now listen up whelps, you will all bow down to the King of King's. I don't care what people say about Booker T his run in that 3rd world promotion WCW, I am the most decorated champion in the history of wrestling. I am the only 11 time WWE champion, how many titles has Booker held? One, well six if you count WCW, and since I feel sorry for you I will. 11 to 6 Book, numbers don't lie, I am the greatest.

Booker- Atleast I didn't have to hook up with the bosses wife to get those.

_Crowd pops as Bookdust makes their entrance_

Goldust- You say that as if it's a bad thing.

Booker- Just….sit back for a minute while I show this Sucka a thing or two about history. Now listen up 'champ' you say that you are the most decorated champ of all time? Well lets just add thaGOLDUST what the hell are you doing!?!

_Goldust appears to be stealing King's laptop_

Goldust- Shhh, I'm trying to help, watch. Ooo, I like what Mr. King has been looking at, but, oh she's doing that position all wrong, tut tut tut.

Booker- GOLDUST! Get to the point.

Goldust- Ok ok, you don't have to get in a tizzy over it. Anyways, I'm logging on to the Wikipedia. Typing Booker T…and title history. Ok, not only will I read off all of your title victories, but I'll add them all together on my cell phone.

Booker- Good thinking Goldust, ok, start reading with WCW.

Goldust- Very well, 11 tag titles, 6 tv, 1 us, 5 WCW, carry the 4. Ok now WWE, 1 WHC, 3 US, 1 IC, 3 WWE tag team hey there's me! Hello there, don't you look…_scrumptious_.

HHH- Whatever freak, just add my numbers.

Goldust- Oh yes, let's see now, 11 world, 2 European, 5 IC, and one tag team.

JR- Bah Gawd Kang! What will the results be! Will Goldust reveal HHH as the jezebel that he is, or is that snake oil salesman telling the truth.

Goldust- After much deliberating, I have come to the conclution that as far as most titles is concerned, that my vote for Kelly Clarkson has gone through, thank you for voting for the next American Idol.

Booker-…

HHH- …

JR- …

Crowd-…

King-….Puppies!

Funaki- INDEED!

Me- That was fun.

Norm- But is it funny?

Me- Everything is funny when you're writing while sleep deprived.

Norm- How are you passing your classes?

Me- No idea Norm. No idea. Oh, and as a promotional sidenote, I've started writing for KaiKoshimoro's Digimon The Abridged Series on Youtube. So if you like my writing and enjoy abridged series, please check it out.


End file.
